Closure

Oh how i used to hate that word.

When I had to go to work last weekend out of state I was bitching to almost everybody on how I was loosing my weekend. It didn’t help that I almost missed my cab to the airport only to have my flight delayed, thus making my first meal of the day at almost 9pm. I cant eat alone, I’m lame that way.

Thank god I landed to familiar friendly faces who if were not genuinely excited to see me, sure did a great job at making me feel welcome.

To be honest, I was a little nervous on spending the weekend with someone I was well, involved with before. Not because we hadn’t talked anymore or there was a big fight or someone got slapped, no drama. But because we used to be really good friends before that, and since things didn’t quite work out between us there had always been that little chip hanging over our shoulders. And I thought we’d never be able to go back to being half as good friends to each other as we were before.

It was a short relationship – it started suddenly and it ended equally abruptly. I guess what always ate in me was the reason it ended. Because well, the reason it ended would have been the reason why it should never have started in the first place. Confusing, yea.. so imagine how I was this past three years plus plus. Its one of those that seemed perfect, but because of circumstances had to be let go. One of those where I always wondered if the situation was different, how would it have been. Where I always wondered if it made it easier for the other party to let go because it was me, because I would understand, because I was considered less..because I was just easier to deal with.

Yea sure we’ve talked about it before, but never face to face, and never this brutally honest. All the last times we talked about it I think I still had a little internal wall, where I’d deliberately edit the things I said or tried not to get too deep into things. For some reason I thought if I did it would get really ugly. BUT it was good. We laughed, we joked, we made fun of each other… and we said some really sweet, touching and truthful things. We talked about it like we finally both accepted that it was just out of our control, and breaking up then was the only thing we could control. But it didn’t mean that all the memories and the words and the feelings shared were any less real. For both of us.

I get that the one affected wasn’t only I, I, and I…

I’ll always remember prom, and “I know what a chassis is”, and clubbing, and chilling at the balcony, and the late night visits, and rushing like a mad cow to finish my fyp. And I remember them fondly. And now I know you do too.

So I flew back, again rushing to catch my flight.. happy and glad we had that weekend. Closure indeed.

I got to put a disclaimer in here that this was before Aji came along, cause he sure has a lot of fans reading this site, and I don’t want to be getting scary stares. Now he makes my world go round..