Back to the Real Deal

My aunt left back for Canada today. I guess that's home for her now. Has been for the past 12 years more likely. Which means the little bubble we have been living in for the past three weeks is slowly going to fade away. Having her here sort of diluded all the existing problems.With her here it was as though my grandma wasnt sick, my mom didnt have to choose between work and didnt have to handle all the stress with dealing with an aged ill parent, workdays went by really fast because it was just fun to finish up and head home to lots of tea and chitter chatter, my dad was always in a good mood and my brother was home more often.

Reality check as soon as the car drove down the street.

My grandma is moving in with us for good now. She needs to constantly have someone with her, and that responsibility has by default become my moms. As awful as it makes me sound, i'm not much help when it comes to caring for her. I do the superficial bits like buying her food and getting her stuff. My mom has to deal with the messaging, the medication schedules, the tantrums, the demands, the emotional downfalls. At least for the past three weeks she had a break, she could swap with my aunt.
Plus she and my aunt are really close. Eventhough they're physically in two different countries, they're still each others best friends. It was good to see my mom go back to that giggly, gossipy, chatty lady when she was with my aunt. She's going to miss her alot, but knowing my mother she wont say anything, and just go about her daily chores.

I feel like crap for being so little help.

I wish i had a stronger emotional connection with my grandmother. Everytime i tell myself to be more patient, to be more gentle, to be more tolerant, to imagine what it would be like to be old and be recovering from a broken hip. Yea that will last for like ten minutes. Then i'll reverse back to getting irritated - "why does she keep insisting on going to church when she knows she cant walk much? why wont she just eat properly knowing she has ulcers? why does she grumble about the room? why cant she understand that my mom is doing all she can? why does she keep wanting to go to her house when she knows theres no one there to take care of her?" Because she's 83 and getting used to not being as mobile and independant as she once used to can be quite difficult.

Well, i suppose then.. i'll have to try and change. I should start with not being such a lazy ass and helping around the house a little more. Note to self : must clean room this weekend..and do all laundry..and sort wardrobe..and not be lazy, must not be lazy, must try to not be lazy.