What irony

I think this whole 'together forever' bit actually causes more trouble then it should peace. Its so easy to take people for granted because you think that we've pledged our love and we'll be there with each other no matter what.

But thats just the thing isnt it. Taking for granted the fact the other person will be around forever just leads us to say and do things without stopping to think what the consequences may be. I mean because, after all, we have said that we will be together no matter what through thick and thin. It just makes people so bent on proving points or making stands that the part where the other gets hurt in the process is overlooked. To a point where any form of discussion that could have solved whatever issue it was in the first place almost always turns into an arguement. A vicious cycle to continue proving points and get defensive. And more often then not, the actual reason you started fighting in first place in forgotten because so many more issues crop up from there.

And i'm increasingly uncomfortable with this whole idea on how if things get better we should just let it be and move along. It troubles me. I may smile and move back to the usual routine, but that doesnt mean the problems gone away. Its just sitting patiently in its comfortable corner, waiting for something to come along and trigger it off again. I cannot, i try, but i cannot just go along. I cannot pretend like nothing is wrong if i'm upset with you and talk about other more superficial thing. I need my 'mourning time', time to dwell it in and release what ever tension was built.

I know i'm probably at fault for some of the fighting. But for the first time in two and a half years of fighting and squabbling and crying and screaming - i'm just too tired. I think i've exhausted my ability to want to explain. And i've never felt so guilty as i feel now. Guilt is just like overflowing, like enveloped in it. Like everywhere.