The only constant variable.

Some times when things get too comfortable i'll start wondering what it's like if it changed. For some things, i can make a move on it before the situation becomes a rut -- but..

For some other things i think -- am i too comfortable with things to a point where i dont see that it needs change or worse still, do i simply deny the obvious glaring need for change...

because i am afraid i wont be able to handle it..

Do i keep reasoning with myself because i think if i debate it in my head and sort out as many possible ways it can work without having to talk about change then it will..

Do i comfort myself with saying that i have what most people don't thus i should be happy about it..

even though i cry myself to sleep alot...

Do i contradict these nagging feelings i have because there are changes happening with others, changes we have been looking forward too, changes which, idealy would be in our favour..

but what if these thoughts i have never go away.. i cant help but wonder if it will always cast its shadow on all the external happiness.

Then i question if i never talk about this and it happens, then am i allowed to say i knew this would happen or did i help it happen because i reasoned, comforted and contradicted.

Am i, refusing to acknowledge my fears because i don't want to hurt your feelings.. or is it because i am trying to spare my feelings, because i fear you will launch into defending the very things that are upseting me -- which would be doing exactly what the problem is -- the reason why so many things go unsaid.

But deep down inside, i am so scared that it will brew inside me to a point where i explode and it brings to the one form of change that will truly, truly change everything..

everything.