Restlessness

This is the first weekend I have got free in probably the last month, and I've been sitting here for the past three hours since I woke up surfing random sites online.

I have a long list of things I should be doing, but I the want to just sit down and do absolutely nothing seems to be winning.

I've been feeling extremely restless lately. And not just in a fidgety kind of way. The main part of me which is itching for refreshment is work, don't get me wrong I really love my job scope and I love the industry as it is. Maybe, maybe its the place I am, or the people around me. Leys not kid myself it is that. No matter how many times I comfort myself with saying at least the main part of the job, the actual work itself is something I enjoy, it shouldn't matter if the people around me make me feel horrible or if the subject matter sometimes can be extremely dry -- I still feel rediculously troubled and demotivated. I know its affecting the quality of my work (anyone could guess by the growing to do list) and i'm trying trying trying not to let it show, but I'm sure not giving my 110% anymore. Every night I go to bed and I tell myself tomorrow will be a splendid day at work, tomorrow will be a splendid day at work, tomorrow will be a splendid day at work..

And I've been missing Aji a lot more then usual lately. A big part of me is really getting tired with this long distance thing. Four years. Four whole years. I'm tired of not being able to enjoy the small things in each other lives every day, and not being able to include each other in the big things of our lives as well. I'm tired of always going by myself for functions and not being able to take holidays together. I'm tired of filling each other up on our lives through the telephone and I'm tired of having to squeeze everything we want to do with each other into one weekend a month (fights included). A big part of me is summoning for the courage to pack up and go be with him there, to grow up and face the facts that as much as I love my family and my friends here it is time to move on to that next phase in life.

It's been awesome having Logan back for the past three weeks, theres just a week left before he heads off back to Korea again, and hopefully, if all goes well i'll see him again in Korea i October. I can already imagine how lonely that flight back from Hong Kong is going to be, not because i'm physically taking it alone, but because it'll also be goodbye to him for the second time...