its been a year..

people still think i'm brave and strong
i wish they knew what really goes on (or just tell them to shove it)

i dont want to miss you anymore
i dont want to remember how you take your drinks
or how you light a stick
or how you like your food, or how you like to dress
how you take hours in the shower
and how you made up a song to hold my hand
i dont want to remember what you used to call me
or the things you bought me
or the late mornings you'd make my coffee
i don't want to remember how you talk in your sleep or how you crawl under the covers
i don't want to remember your favourite songs
or your favourite movies
or your favourite football team

i dont want to remember the yelling, and the fighting
and the hurt and the crying

I dont want to look around my room and see you in everything
You have your stamp on all my favourites
my favourite restaurants, my favourite celebrations, my favourite songs, even my favourite people too

I need to peel your labels off, labels of me and you
i hate that i still see you in everything i do

We made life together
We also ripped the worst out of each other

We loved each other and we hurt each other with equal intensity
I don't know if i'll ever go down that path again
You're one step ahead of me

He told me
Its ok to remember it as the saddest part of my life
but i dont have to live life sad
he always gets it right, and i miss him the most right now
you're not even here anymore and he catches me everytime you make me fall
he's the only person in this whole world who will never 'break up' with me

I hate what this has made me
I used to love weddings, I can't bear to sit through one anymore
I used to believe in eternity, its easier to throw a cynic's laugh now
I used to think honesty won you everything, honesty lost me everything
I don't give credit, I don't care, and I don't trust

People tell me the best is yet to come
Truly, its just the rest that are yet to come

I look around and realize how different life is
I look around and realize how still life is..