rpm

It supposedly burns at least 500 calories even when done with minimum resistance. Yesterday i went for my second class. Its basically a stationary bicycle and you cycle non stop with some ups and downs and ups and downs for an hour. It leaves you sweating like a maniac, your t-shirt smelling like half dried and sticky, and a very very painful butt.

Did i mention your ass aches like you've had two rods poking into your butt cheeks?

The only reason i will keep going back is because it supposedly burns 500 calories even when done with minimum resistance. All through the hour i stare at this Caucasian chick with the perfect body in front of me as motivation. She somehow manages to cycle without a break, her legs move so fast it looks like the stuff you see in cartoons, I am reminded of the Road Runner and at the end of the hour she looks like she hadn't broken a sweat at all. Right down to meticulously applied Goth eyeliner still in place. And she has all these little, seriously little cute matching matching gym outfits you wonder if she just stpped out of a sports wear ad. So anyway, i digress.

I have no idea what the instructor (who comes complete in pro cyclers gear and all) is saying, he speaks in some foreign accent that is further blurred with the mike. But i watch him intensely and follow the routine religiously - anxiously waiting for the class to end the times we stand up and cycle cos my ass would have felt like the seat is cutting right through it by then. Then i try to psyche myself up, tell myself how i have to shed 10 pounds by year end so i can go to Canada for Christmas and wear all the poser clothes i missed out on in Hong Kong. Also so i can go to Canada and chow down all that yummy white man food and consciously put on weight. Also so i can go to the post summer sales and buy lovely clothes that will fit me. Heh. Again, i digress

Thank god though, the class doesn't play techno feng tau jinjang music. The dude actually has a pretty good selection of songs to keep you at it. Mostly alternative stuff, a little quick beat jazz, a little remixes here and there. I try to use the songs as yardsticks before quitting - not cos I'm too tired to keep going but cos my butt is aching. Aching. Aching. Aching. You'd be amazed at how many ways one can come up with when trying to ease a painful butt while sitting on a bicycle.

But i will keep going. Because it supposedly burns at least 500 calories even when done with minimum resistance.

Words

Sometimes being brutally honest with the people you love most can be the toughest thing of all. Harder then having to stay awake and chirpy at work all day.

I had a real heart to heart conversation with the most important person to me a couple of nights ago and it still plagues me. I can remember every thing said, every reaction taken, every uncomfortable body action, every time i tried to avoid eye contact - and every expression i got in response. I keep playing it in my mind in constant repeat mode, and every time have an extra doubt on whether i should have been that honest or not. I can't help but wonder if i had upset my fellow conversationalist more then it would have been, if i chose to just keep my feelings and thoughts to myself. I keep recounting all the possible ways i could have rephrased or chosen better more appropriate words to avoid upsetting or hurting the other party.

- I hope you understand that i didnt express all this earlier because i didnt want to upset you with my perceptions. I saw that you were happy and figured there was no reason to spoil that for you. I know i have stubborn thoughts and actions, and chose not to share them with you for selfish reason - because I thought you deserved better, because I know what a lame water dispenser i can be at emo moments - and also because, I just want you to be happy. I hope you know that i miss your company very much and your friends miss their pal even more -

There, I know the person this is targeted at would probably never read this, but now if i ever had to explain why i said what i said the other night, and stumbled on my words again i could launch this page and it wouldnt be overflowing with erms and uhms.

As broke as a porcelein vase..

Is what i am

Thanks to impulse decisions and mostly indulging in nasrcisstic pleasures all of last month and this i find myself scrimping and stinging and looking forward to the next paycheque like never before.

I am not liking this feeling.. like seriously.

Boo hoo.

Tum tum di tum

Weddings used to be all about getting dressed in uncomfortable outfits, tagging behind the parents, watching a ceremony which would seem incredibly long then going around listening to how big i've become or how much i look like my mom.

All that changed now that i'm attending weddings of my own friends. Yesterdays wedding showcased all of us - we each had our parts to play and we just partied harder at night. I learnt that even if you have a system, a printed floor plan, numbered tables and ushers telling you where to go, seating arrangements will never turn out as planned.

I wonder how this presentation with baby pictures of the couple started. Whats the significance of having right from sacharin sweet baby shots to embarassing pre puberty shots then breaking out into current day, then repeating the process for the respective other. I dont know, it just seems like a lot of work for something unrelated to the wedding process. But then, alot would argue that booze is unrelated to the matrimonial process as well but thats simply essential now isnt it! As far as entertainment value goes it does rank high,the presentation i mean, not the post booze kind - i suppose guests would get a kick out of the days when the groom was struggling with a fashion sense or at the bride as a baby lying on her tummy naked (neither of these shots appeared yesterday i'm just speaking generally). Gosh, if i do end up having one of those it will be purely out of family preassure - i can see people keeling in laughter already at the mop of curls which was my childhood hairstyle and the rolly polly dumpling i was in almost everything i wore. Then i will hope my significant other has more embarassing shots to difuse the attention on me. Only during the presentation of course, any other time of my wedding ALL ATTENTION MUST BE FOCUSED ON ME! ME! ME! I TELL YOU ME! NOBODY IS STEALING MY THUNDER!

*pant pant*

But there is a long time more to worry about all that. For now, i shall enjoy my friend's weddings and wish them the best in this instituition they call marriage and lots of children. Heh.

It seems like the month of impulse decisions.

On Sunday, i joined a gym. One of the widely advertised ones in a premium location with fancy taglines. The kinds i used to swear myself against. I have become, as Disco so eloquently put it, yuppie scum. As my early morning wardrobe selection is progresively smaller, limited to clothes that do not involve front buttons, zips or anything figure hugging i started to worry that if i dont do anything about this increase weight gain and extreme unhealthy lifestyle in six months i'm not going to look twice bigger then Aji as i am now, but three folds bigger. And nobody likes the fear of accidently rolling over ones boyfriend and squashing him to pancakes.

So yea, i have a plan now. As i have had since i was 16. I'm going to first work on the cardio and stamina. Occasionally drop by the fun classes like salsa and hip hop - the kind where i'm conned into excercising but am actually having fun. Then slowly advance to the weight machines. Coupled with the fact that i dont actually know how to use them i'm actually a little afriad of starting on the weights for the want of echoing this friends sentiments. So i'm not pushing for my two free sessions with the personal trainer just yet. I've seen how they make the people workout and they are mean. Run! Run! Dont stop! Run!

Was people watching in the gym yesterday and i noticed that its the ones who already have excellent bodies that are going at it like their lives depended on how long they ran or how much the lifted. They come in their cute gym outfits and they attack the machines ferociously. One lady was running on the threadmill so fast and for so long at one consistent speed - no breaks, like she had this invisible something she was running towards. Maybe i should do that too, envision Brad Pitt a Big Mac and run towards it.

Seeing red

I did something on impulse just one day after bringing the new year in.

I cut my hair real short and i highlighted it - in red.

I loved the style it was cut in, and was feeling really light and funky, and i think the hair stylist noticed. Cause right then he started his sales gig on how the style would look so much better if it had some color in it. And i fell for it. The minute the towel came off though i did a Culkin from Home Alone. Man, i hope its not a sign of all my decisions for the coming year.

But i got accustomed to having a bright flash of red everytime i walked past the mirror. And slowly, as the day came to an end, i wasnt so terrified anymore. I think it was actually starting to grow on me. I felt much younger, and full of energy, not only did i look like a character from X-men, i felt like i could really save the world!!!
I sorted through the wardrobe and picked out the really snazzy stuff for work to go with the hairdo. It was really starting to feel like me. I was convinced that i could keep the style, and hey even not feel embarassed with the extreme redness of the highlights (which were supposed to be dark red by the way, never believe the colors on the samples!). It may take tubs of gel in the future to keep the gazzillion layers it is now in place, but whats a morning without a challenge eh.

But then...

Yesterday i washed my hair, and the shampoo bubbles came flowing down my face and hands in red!!! The more i washed, the more streams of red water cascaded down my face. Goddamnit.
Part of me was a teeny tiny thankful that it wouldnt look like a 'what the hell where you thinking?" hairstyle anymore, but the other part of me felt a little.. robbed.

Not only did I pay quite a sum to get the damn highlights, i also spent a good amount of the day psyching myself up to live with the damned color! I was ready to be cool, and funky, and hip and all that jazz. I felt conned of the oppertunity to be a wannabe and walk around in my shades and thick eyelined eyes (for when the shades are removed of cos), and weirdly matched but somehow managed to come together outfits. I felt ripped of the possibility of finally living the life of the crazed FCM student i used to look from afar and marvel at for having the guts to walk around looking/dressed/speaking like an ass that when i was in uni. I felt cheated of people in the office seeing a not so boring new Annu.

To top it off, after the wash the hair has become really dry, and its so brittle it breaks off even if i run my fingers through it. This is why i never wanted to dye my hair. I have seen this happen to other people and be thankful its not me too many times to have actually paid money for it! In case you're wondering i'm feeling a little regretful and very silly. Especially when it was all dry and hay like looking today at the office and i could just see it in the faces of my workmates, how they tried too hard to practice the expression 'if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all'

The upside is, the color is actually presentable now and it looks really good when its all gelled up, quite stylo mylo.

Hong Kong photos, in no particular chronological order