Whooshed by

I traveled alone by flight for the first time on Saturday night. Yes i know most people would have probably done this even before they hit puberty, but i'm a late bloomer. I was excessively paranoid about being late, and wanted to be at the airport 2 hours before even though it was only SIN-KUL. So we reached way before time, and walked in relatively calm - till i saw the big signboard display that my flight had been retimed. To an hour and half later. Then i started worrying that i will be back too late instead.

Thankfully, the kind folks at Changi had a back up plan. There was another flight they could put me on which left earlier - 40 minutes from when i was speaking to them. Drangit, now i was concerned that i was robbed of the 2 hours i wanted to spend with Aji (and just Aji) before having to take off. But i decided to take it anyway, it was the more sensible thing to do. So i was checked into the SIA flight instead of the MAS i was booked on, some people would say it was a bump up or upgrade, i want to be nationalistic and say NO WAY! But then on the flight, i was offered apple, orange, guava, coffee or tea as apposed to the orange or mango that i got on my departing flight and was won over instantly. Yes, food is a deciding factor in many of my issues.

So we grabbed a quick value meal take away and rushed for my gate, which the stewerdess had forwarned me was far away and i'd have quite a walk. But i wanted to steal as many last minutes i could with the boy so we sat and shared the meal right outside before i said my goodbyes. Then i rudely discovered that far away, was indeed very very far away. So there i was, cursing myself for having packed my flat shoes and worn the three inch heels, running on the walkalators, pushing through folks with their carts, staring at my watch every 30 seconds, dragging along my huge backpack and my laptop,my handbag and my passport with ticket gripped tightly in my left palm. After 15 minutes of running which seemed like much much longer, i finally reached F37. got myself frisked thank to the watch i think. picked up a Herald Tribune and settled myself quite comfortably.

It's been a year of first timers for me isnt it.. tee hee..

It was a very filled four days, but for now, back to the regular scheduled programmes.

Quee Sara Sara..?

I think.. i've had a small preview of what life would be like if i was indeed working here in Singapore. I've been working from the office in Singapore for the major part of this week. Heck, this come live from Changi Business Park. The hours i'm at work, seem pretty much the same. How different can sitting in front of a laptop be regardless of what your location is right. But its everything before and after that which seems so different. As great as it is to have time with Aji, its just different in a way, that i think i'll take a while getting used to.

I think what i miss the most is the noise and constant activity around me. Its just me and Aji here. At home, when i wake up in the mornings, my moms radio would be blasting from the kitchen, she would be up doing something and my dad would be around. Usually he's about to leave for work as i wake up, but its still one extra face who greets me. There would be breakfast, or nagging me to have breakfast. Asking me questions about this that and evrything. When i come home, sometimes someone would greet me at the gate with a big smile, there will be dinner ready on the table, the whole family perched in front of the tv, the whole house will be lit up and there's just constant noise left right and centre. Asking me questions about this that and everything. Its so different when its just me and Aji.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if i could have all that and Aji just joins the big picture. No need to relocate. To pack up my life and start over. He could be like the last fitting in my big jigsaw puzzle of life. The final touch up to the huge masterpiece i've been painting. The carefully picked garnishing to the elaborate dish called the future. The finishing tune up before the big concert.

I always get a little malancholy when i think about this. What is going to happen in the future? Where will we end up spending our lives when we are finally together? How much will i have to give up? If i insist on having all i have now, how much will he have to give up? And worst of all, who are the people going to get hurt in this whole process...

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The commute to and fro work in KL is a much bigger enjoyment then what goes on here. I think i've just become spoilt since i got my car. I hate taking cabs, busses and mrts. I miss my car..

Planning Schmlanning

A million things running through my mind catching their multicolored post its along the way

Visited a karaoke joint a few days back - with the colleagues. For those of you who know me well you will know what my general sentiments on that activity is. To stay as far away as possible. I've been karaoke-ing a grand total of two times in my life before this and the experiences still haunt me. But i joined in for the want of not coming across as a spoilt sport. After all, it depends on the company you go with right? Right? So as hard as i tried to foil the plans, thanks to the gung ho-ness of my colleagues we found our selves in the little room for a good five hours, belting away tunes from generations before, current and well, the never heard of? From not wanting to go at all, i eventualy found myself gripping on to my own mic, croaking away to all sorts of hits. We're talking NKOTB, had to do the classic All By Myself, put on a diva show with continous Whitney Houstan hits, attempted a few rock numbers - Zombie was wild complete with jumping in heels and all!, and even had a duet on the popular Kuch Kuch Hota Hai theme song. Shame.. what shame? Was good fun. Hi, my name is Annu and i'm a converted karaoke hater. Till the next session!

A colleague tried his hand at Sister Golden Hair. And it transported me back to the time i took the spontanues trip down to Skudai with Robyn. Still a little shy then, i sat quietly in the corner as he and his housemates jammed the night away. One guy sang that song as he played the guitar - left hander playing the guitar with his right hand, totally sexy. And i guess he must have sang it pretty well too, considering that i still remember. Either that or we were all just stoned. But for a few minutes I was 2 or 3 years in reverse, and i was smiling to myself like a donkey. They tried they're very best to make me feel comfortable and i tried my very best not to come across as a lame ass. They succeeded, dont know about my end. But anyway, i left with a few new songs to download, a few new sets of clothes (thats how spontanous it was), my motorbike ride craving pacified for awhile, a very fun time and a teeny crush on one of the blokes. Haha.. if only he knew..

I really should do more spontanous stuff like that, more often then not they turn out to be the most memorable.

Another one bites the dust

Some time back somebody told me that you can judge how likeable you were while schooling based on how many of your university mates take the trouble to come for your wedding years after you've graduated.

If that saying goes, Kosie was loved beyond means. As her wedding celebration would have been proof. Scratch that, Kosie is loved beyond means. Saying the wedding was massive would be an understatement. It felt like a whole town was there. We got there about 15 minutes late and the hall was jam packed already. Senoirs juniors. Young old. Near far. Minus the blokes in the States and the Philippines the rest of the gang was there. The trend that the whole bunch only get together at weddings is starting to form. The 'who's next' question resonates throughout everyone's thoughts. One brave, or silly depends on how you look at it, soul would finally inquire out loud and the guessing game begins. With everybody denying vehemently when presented as a possible answer.

Ahh what fun. Kosie leaves for two years in Shanghai to be with the husband who's on assignment there. Who knows could fill in that 'whos' next' spot in that time frame. I wish her and the hubby all the best in their newly found instituition and managing that in a foreign land at that. Could be a highly exciting prospect or a highly intimidating and scary adventure. Either way, with her sunshine-like desposition, she'll be fine anywhere she is.

And the Ford Ranger as the wedding car totally rocked..

Mesa weekend

The boy is coming to town for the weekend~!

And its all planned out.
The dude will have to sit through a day of debates with me and the Voices bunch, then hopefully we'll have a night to revisit the wonders of Evol Ribena and Vitajing.

Shall drag him to my friends wedding on Sunday morning and flaunt him to my other friends, then leave him to deal with my fathers bouts of denial. Heh.

Then we'll either go home and have that whole talk on how we'll win over each others parents and have that magnificent cross cultural wedding or roam the wonderful but congested streets of Kuala Lumpur.

No more arguing, i have told myself and i will keep to. The little bit i get to have with him is priviledged time and we will not spoil it!

Mesa weekend just gets that tad bit more glow when its with the dude.

What irony

I think this whole 'together forever' bit actually causes more trouble then it should peace. Its so easy to take people for granted because you think that we've pledged our love and we'll be there with each other no matter what.

But thats just the thing isnt it. Taking for granted the fact the other person will be around forever just leads us to say and do things without stopping to think what the consequences may be. I mean because, after all, we have said that we will be together no matter what through thick and thin. It just makes people so bent on proving points or making stands that the part where the other gets hurt in the process is overlooked. To a point where any form of discussion that could have solved whatever issue it was in the first place almost always turns into an arguement. A vicious cycle to continue proving points and get defensive. And more often then not, the actual reason you started fighting in first place in forgotten because so many more issues crop up from there.

And i'm increasingly uncomfortable with this whole idea on how if things get better we should just let it be and move along. It troubles me. I may smile and move back to the usual routine, but that doesnt mean the problems gone away. Its just sitting patiently in its comfortable corner, waiting for something to come along and trigger it off again. I cannot, i try, but i cannot just go along. I cannot pretend like nothing is wrong if i'm upset with you and talk about other more superficial thing. I need my 'mourning time', time to dwell it in and release what ever tension was built.

I know i'm probably at fault for some of the fighting. But for the first time in two and a half years of fighting and squabbling and crying and screaming - i'm just too tired. I think i've exhausted my ability to want to explain. And i've never felt so guilty as i feel now. Guilt is just like overflowing, like enveloped in it. Like everywhere.

The whole DeepaRaya hoohaa

Yea it came and it went. Deepavali was relatively quiet for us this year compared to the only other way i remember it being - open house from morning to evening, pots full of food, seeing people i see during festive season only and an endless stream of beer. The family decided to keep it a little low profile this year, and at one point i got tired of not having anything to do. I was actually craving for people to come and wished i hadn't told my friends that there was no invites this year. I got tired faster doing nothing. Was all dresses up, complete with bangles that syncronised with the colors on my salwar kameez, and had nothing to do but evesdrop on my cousin and his friends conversations.

Raya begun like it does every year also, visits to the standard houses we go to, and stuffing our faces. This year's had a nice extra touch to which i'm sure no one would mind if it became a standard yearly event. Tanty's raya open house. The first thing me and brother saw as we approached the house were the Carlsberg girls. Then the wine selection. All effort we put into our dressing to look cultured and polished just went down the drain from that moment onwards. We got ourselves a table and made more noise then all the people in the house combined. And i assure you, there were alot of people. With instructions to refill 2 jugs every half hour or so we were a happy bunch and made ourselves quite at home for the rest of the evening. I even took a nap on the couch - slept like a log.

With five days without work one would think that i'd have used it to catch up on stuff i loose out on while at work. For the whole duration, i've successfully managed to keep my productivity level at a safe zero. Big fat ZERO. Everytime i wanted to do something a sudden wave of laziness would take over. So many times i've sat down in front of the laptop to..erm, well.. document my laziness(?) and ended up succumbing to it. Besides sleep at all the hours i wasnt watching tv i didnt do any of the items i had lined up on my mental to do list. Today afternoon,the last day i have to laze before i go back to the grind, i was suddenly enveloped in guilt and washed my car in the drizzle. And proceeded to clean my room and sort of my wardrobe. I seem to be always sorting out my wardrobe dont i.

One thing i did do though, quite easily was add about 5 pounds, mostly around the waist and the thighs. What can i say, when you have murukku, choc cake, pineapple tarts and other little torments of sugar at my disposal, shouting out my name everytime i walk past the dining table, it would be sinful to let them go to waste.