beer-o!

Twas a good Friday night indeeddy!!

Closure

Oh how i used to hate that word.

When I had to go to work last weekend out of state I was bitching to almost everybody on how I was loosing my weekend. It didn’t help that I almost missed my cab to the airport only to have my flight delayed, thus making my first meal of the day at almost 9pm. I cant eat alone, I’m lame that way.

Thank god I landed to familiar friendly faces who if were not genuinely excited to see me, sure did a great job at making me feel welcome.

To be honest, I was a little nervous on spending the weekend with someone I was well, involved with before. Not because we hadn’t talked anymore or there was a big fight or someone got slapped, no drama. But because we used to be really good friends before that, and since things didn’t quite work out between us there had always been that little chip hanging over our shoulders. And I thought we’d never be able to go back to being half as good friends to each other as we were before.

It was a short relationship – it started suddenly and it ended equally abruptly. I guess what always ate in me was the reason it ended. Because well, the reason it ended would have been the reason why it should never have started in the first place. Confusing, yea.. so imagine how I was this past three years plus plus. Its one of those that seemed perfect, but because of circumstances had to be let go. One of those where I always wondered if the situation was different, how would it have been. Where I always wondered if it made it easier for the other party to let go because it was me, because I would understand, because I was considered less..because I was just easier to deal with.

Yea sure we’ve talked about it before, but never face to face, and never this brutally honest. All the last times we talked about it I think I still had a little internal wall, where I’d deliberately edit the things I said or tried not to get too deep into things. For some reason I thought if I did it would get really ugly. BUT it was good. We laughed, we joked, we made fun of each other… and we said some really sweet, touching and truthful things. We talked about it like we finally both accepted that it was just out of our control, and breaking up then was the only thing we could control. But it didn’t mean that all the memories and the words and the feelings shared were any less real. For both of us.

I get that the one affected wasn’t only I, I, and I…

I’ll always remember prom, and “I know what a chassis is”, and clubbing, and chilling at the balcony, and the late night visits, and rushing like a mad cow to finish my fyp. And I remember them fondly. And now I know you do too.

So I flew back, again rushing to catch my flight.. happy and glad we had that weekend. Closure indeed.

I got to put a disclaimer in here that this was before Aji came along, cause he sure has a lot of fans reading this site, and I don’t want to be getting scary stares. Now he makes my world go round..

It starts NOW! The good life that is..

I’ve been accused of going back on my word by a few friends who are across the seas in a land far away, because I promised to keep them updated on my life through this space and, well haven’t been updating the space. I’ve been insanely busy lately, and no its not excuses excuses so here goes a quick ten minutes dedicated to you, you and you – funny that I’ll be writing all about me though

Anyway..

I expected to feel some sort of transition when I turned 25, which was on the 10th (the narcisstic part of me says I must state the date here for you folks who forgot, heh). As of yet, there hasn’t been any sudden buzz through my body or a white light shining through or sudden spasm shakes. I don’t know, I expected to suddenly feel more responsible, or wise(r?), or just a little bit more mentally sound then I am. When I was in my teens, being 25 seemed so far away. Almost all my conversations with my girl friends in school about us being a quarter century old would involve us being somewhere up there in the corporate ladder, married with kids. You know, like in the idiot box, house with the picket fence, golden retriever running in the yard and all. Maybe that’s why its called the idiot box, you’re not supposed to base it on real life.

But it feels just the same. Except that more people followed their birthday greetings to me this year with inquiries on whether I will be getting married soon.

Things have been good this past year, I made some progress in the great conquest that is my career. Though I do spend more time then I’d like in the office, it is something that I will carry with me for the next, oh 40 years of my working life and whether good or bad will be lessons and I’m starting to accept that all this frustration and mental agony will eventually amount to a generous pay cheque great career at the end of the day. Is this the wise part?
My relationship with my family has significantly improved, there has been less disgruntled moments this whole year, in fact I don’t have any still etched in memory so it must have been alright. The mother and I seem to be doing a lot more bonding and a lot less squabbling, though there is still no curtain shopping. I guess I am slowly growing up. My dad is still being very stubborn about my choice of partner, and I’m sure a part of him feels I’m setting myself up for something that I’m not prepared for. I’ve passed the stage where I think about it and get angry, now I just want to be able to sit on the swing like we used to, and gently ask him for his blessings. I want to ask him to let me make the mistakes he think I will be making, if it does go awry, for him to be there for me, but if it ends up with a fairytale ending, I want him to be an active character in it. And the brother and Aji are my same two favorite drunkards who constantly inject humour in my life.

Soppyness aside. I think I can safely say that I’m happy with how life is going.. and isn’t that all that matters..