I want to be a groupie

The concert was insane. The innitial euphoria has simmered down now, which is a good thing else this whole post will be 'aaaaaaaaaarggggggggggggh'. It was my first rock concert ever, yes i know, late bloomer, lame whatever you want to call it i'm it. But that just made the experience all the more exciting. We got busted when trying to bring in alcohol, squashed in the crowd and i had Disco screaming in my ears half the time. We were at the stadium a couple of hours earlier, with hardly a line much to our disapoinment. Logan and Sumi went in search of happy liquids and i made friends with a cute NS chap while waiting for Aji. The desperate urge to pee just vanished once the band started playing. It was absa-f*ckin-lutely insane. I know Sumi will say this is my favourite but i repeat it simply because it is true. When Liam said 'this is for the ladies out there' and sang Wonderwall, I knew it was meant for me. ME! ME GODAMNIT ME!! I still have Champagne Supernova ringing in my head

Brokeback Mountain

We watched in on big screen, much to Aji's dismay. I found the movie really sad. It would have been the perfect love story if it was a man and a woman. Being two men, and in that time, them not being able to display their true feelings and having to live lifes that are endorsed by society - even more heartwrenching was the little little signs that showed how they really felt. I am so accustomed to Malaysian cencorship that i half expected the love scenes to be choppy and patched. As a friend put it, why do stories about homosexual love always have to end sad. I wonder how many sheep died in the whole duration of the shooting though.

Absolute indulgence

I havent eaten so much rice in a row in a very long time. All my meals consisted of the wonderful starchy grains in different forms. Sumi will attest to the simply addictive briyani that we indulged in a few times. I also hadn't slept that much in months. Even though i found myself awake most of the time, largely due to habit, the amount of naps and hours i had shut eye has left me longing for a pillow in the office today. We all got so sloshed on Friday night. We found a place with 20 SGD all you can drink and made full advantage of it. The drinks were surprisingly not watered down, and the company we had made it easier to kick back and enjoy the night. Conversation was plentiful and as all drunken stories go, we ended up getting all emotional. I wonder how we got to 'what we would do with a million dollars' to 'who we loved more in the whole world'. I stepped out of that cab in tears that night, but it was things that had to be said, and things that had to be heard. Happy tears, no doubt.

Whats the story morning glory?

The much anticipated 23rd is finally here. A hurried day at work, a 4.5 hour bus ride down south (thank you Mr. bus driver man!) and a boxfull of Boon Tong Kee, which is only the best chicken rice ever. Tried to watch Syrianna but it was hitting 2am and the thought that i'd been awake for the past 20 hours was scaring me.

Now i am awake. Am bored and anxious. Restless and agitated. I have a sore neck and its annoying me. I'm tempted to jump on Logan and Sumi and wake them up. Aji should have faked a sickness and skipped work. Time must fly, fast fast fast... cause tonight is the much looked forward to.

It all started with an email from NG. We've had the tickets for a month plus, and we've, okay I've been planning for the past 3 weeks. I refuse to give any of the rest credit cause they hadn't even had their SGD changed when we boarded the bus. Hmph. Anyway, I'm sure Sumi has some elite groupie outfit all picked out and Logan is wearing his jeans and sneakers so it must be a big night for us. Again, Aji should have faked a sickness and skipped work. Time must fly, fast fast fast...cause tonight is the much looked forward to

OASIS concert

*does a groupie scream and faints*

It's not always about you eh

When I was growing up the adults around me used to tell me that you have to look for that big break. And more often then not it doesn’t come easily. I’ve never been one who had opportunities handed to her on a silver platter, at the same time; there have been some which I decided just wasn’t for me.

Now that I’m an adult myself (or at least that’s what they tell me) I see a lot of younger people around me not appreciating some of the breaks they’ve been given. I know that they ought to be considering themselves fortunate because these are opportunities a lot of their peers crave for. Yet, they make excuses not to excel in them. It’s going to make me sounds like an old foggie saying this, but it’s disappointing. It’s disheartening.

I think people today are too caught up with having an ‘issue’. Even though they are normal healthy individuals they like having something that makes them stick out in a crowd. It’s disturbing when people start wanting to stick out in more ways then just having psychedelic multi coloured hair or oddly placed piercings (god I must really be getting old). All this self inflicted depression and destruction is starting to annoy me. There are more ways to have people’s attention focused on you then to constantly have a problem in your life. Especially when you know the people around you will genuinely rally around you to see you through it. When it gets to acts of constant whining or sudden bursts of neediness then I get the hint that what they really want is all eyes on them. They don’t realize that sometimes it’s someone else’s moment and it’s just a selfish act to steal their thunder.

Or I’m just increasingly less tolerant of the whole ‘damsel in distress’ and ‘I come from a broken family so my life just must be screwed up’ and ‘it’s so much pressure being a teenager’ drama. Don’t patronize the people who actually have these situations and don’t insult those who come from those backgrounds and have made a good life for themselves.

Alo-ha

Coming to you live from Sumi's room in Cyberjaya. I type this while she dries herself and clothes herself behind me.

I'm actually early.

The roads have improved, what used to take me an hour just took me 20 minutes today. Okay an hour was like 3 years ago la. I did some racing with some lady in an Iswara. And i lost. Only because there was an oil tanker in front of me and i didn't want to go up in flames. You know like in the movies.

So its the tryouts today. For the Asians, and I wouldn't be part of this one. Have been in all since 2002. Ahh well, Annu is, growing up? I hear the kids have improved, I look forward to seeing them.

I need some caffeine. I've gotten used to having breakfast everyday since working at the Blue, so now i'm hungry. I'm in the mood for meat.

Grunt

Stop asking me already what me and Aji did on valentines day. We were on the phone la, what else would a couple in a long distance relationship do?!

Unless asking me is merely a self invitation to start blabbing what you and your loved one did then yea sure go ahead i will indulge you. Even if i'm itching to reach out and slap some sensitivity into you.

Truth is..

I would give up all the expensive candlelit dinners, all the fancy Japenese buffets, all the extravagant five star hotel packages, all the balinese spa massages, all the flower decorations and soft toys and chocolates.. if i just got to hold his hand and walk to the nearest mamak stall on V day. No scratch that. I would give it all up if i just got to hold his hand on V day.

So stuff it already and let me dwell in my circumstances.

What a waker upper!

Its mighty difficult to be productive at work on a Monday when your weekend gave you a cumulative of 10 hours of sleep. Thats the grand total from Friday morning, right up to Sunday night. I sometimes get more in one night.

And just when you feel the weights of your eyelids getting heavier, and you think that there is no out of this slow, draggy and extremely uneventful day - one of your closest friends goes and bags herself the Fulbright scholarship. Congratulations Sumi! Now you can finally do the masters of your choice, and have all the pasty white men at your disposal! But rice and sambar how...? :)

Hmph.

And to think that i was actually looking forward to the sessions with the personal trainer. Never mind the excruciating pain that followed the next day from the one hour of machines he made me do, that i know was in my benefit. I know now for a fact that i will never, never get a trainer because i just cant stand having someone stare at me continuously while I'm trying to work out.

Its like what happens at the dentist you know. How many of you have had the dentist ask you questions while you have your mouth gaping open and he's prodding around in it with cold steel objects - and he actually expects an answer from you. So yea. Similiar situation just this time I'm running and tired because i don't usually run, and he's asking me questions which i answer like this. "I *pant* do comm *pant pant* communica *pant* communications *pant*". And he has the nerve to ask me 'tired ke?'. Like duh.

Then, I've always had a concern about well, you know, all the activity of my well endowed chest while I'm running away like a maniac. Having a peeve about that is bad enough, having someone next to you, constantly staring, not necessarily at my boobs but just generally staring makes me tenfolds more self conscious. Trying to run with the least impact as possible can be really hard, especially when he keeps increasing the speed and i start wondering if my boobs are going to fall off soon.

Oh but before all that!! I've decided, that from now on the only times I'm going to allow someone to measure me all over is if i want to tailor something. Seriously, he measured and measured - for a good ten to fifteen minutes. I bet he thought he was doing me a favour when he decided to point out my 'trouble areas' while he was at it. I'll measure my own fat from now on thank you very much. And i don't need someone else telling me with a chuckle that I'm only 156 cm, I've painfully known that since i was fourteen when i stopped growing. Vertically that is.

The real turn off however happened at the second session yesterday. When he spent a significant amount of our hour together trying to sell me a package rather then actually train. I understand that its their bread and butter, and that the better a sales person they are, the more they bring home at the end of the day. But really, in this kind of business you have to know when you are starting to annoy the customer with your persistence. Because then its extremely counter productive. When someone says no thank you three to four to seven times, after indulging you in your whole speech on why they simply must have a personal trainer else they are doomed to live an unhealthy and fat filled life of disgust, it really is your cue to stop. To shut your face. To give them the option of coming back in the future instead of leaving them waiting to get away from you as fast as possible. To encourage them to come back and use their gym membership as a regular customer instead of making them feel like their hundred and fifty bucks monthly is a waste of time because the customer definitely does not have the will nor the determination (forget about the choice I'm not going to get to that even) to work out and exercise according their own program, pace and needs.

Look, its not like i am tipping the scales and bordering on obesity, or having numerous medical issues. I wanted to join a gym to get out of my sluggish lifestyle. Is that so hard to digest. And what is with the immediate assumption that every woman exercises for the sole reason of loosing weight and some day looking like an insect. And what's with the immediate judgement when i say i do not exercise a regulated diet program. I relish in being able to eat rice, I've loved potatoes all my life, the twists and twirls of pasta intrigue me, and i simply enjoy the feel of spreading jam, nuttella, peanut butter and margarine on bread. If you haven't noticed the commonality among all the above mentioned its carbohydrates. What a wonderful feeling it is when they caress your palate!

Sure i wouldn't mind shedding a few pounds, but i don't want it done on a sergeants drill. So really, when i say i have other priorities in life and better ideas on what to do with my money, don't try and make me feel like I'm making a mistake. And don't think you're doing me a favour when you casually mention i should reduce caffeine in my diet as well. If i told you about my regular beer diet would you then jump off a cliff already? Mmmmm??

On a lighter note, i am bent more then ever now to prove to him that someone can be happy and loose weight and feel healthy without the additional expensive services. Leave me to enjoy the gym for goodness sake. I didn't sign up for body fat boot camp nor do i have a bikini competition lined up anywhere in my near future.

Hmph.

070206

He who’s eyes light up at Buzz Lightyear and the Transformers. He who hates the spinning teacups. He who loves to eat at Pandis. He who finds it extremely difficult to compliment his meals with vegetables. He who loves Star Wars and Stargate. He who loves to spend his nights in front of the idiot box with a bowl full of murukku. He who loves Coke and regularly stocks a bottle of ice lemon tea. He who cooks at whim. He who cleans the whole kitchen and stove whenever he cooks. He who was once a neat freak, but dropped his guards a little bit with the entrance of an evil and lazy influence. He who sleeps till 3 in the afternoon on weekends. He who speaks in a foreign language in his sleep. He who sleeps in a curled position. He who wouldn’t be caught dead in wholesale stores, unless its for groceries. He who caresses his skin with Armani, Kenneth Cole and Versace. He who’s favourite brand is Adidas. He who spent shitloads on a pair of Oakleys but totally does them justice. He who called me every other day from the States. He who bought me lovely clothing. He who has a quick temper and short fuse but at the same time, he who would give people 101 chances with hopes of changing their negative ways. He who would continuously get disappointed if it means saving someone else’s feelings. He who hates chatting on the Internet. He who came online every night when we first met because he knew I would be online. He who loves hip hop and rap but at the same time calls Fleetwood Mac as his favourite band. He who enjoys his Jim Beam and Coke. He who enjoys hosting barbeques and mixing up cocktails. He who can’t stand the sight of someone puking as it makes him feel like throwing up too. He who enjoys a few shakes on the dance floor. He who gets really quiet when he’s tipsy. He who’s sense of humour is infectious. He who gets sensitive when I crack jokes about him. He who loves white man food. He who recently discovered grilled stingray. He who lights up. He who hates wearing any form of accessories. He who needs to put on weight cos I’m afraid of rolling over him some time in the future and squashing him to smittherines! He who loves big dogs which I will someday name Tiny. He who takes hours to shit, shower and shave. He who makes up funny pet names for me. He who makes up funny songs.

He who I could go on and on and on about but I might bore you to death. He who just checked off another special day spent away from me. He who turned my world around. He who just turned another year older. Happy birthday you.

We are fa-mi-ree

Saying most of my family have migrated would be somewhat of an understatement. My relatives are spread out all across the globe. If u had wet fingers and sprinkled on a map i bet half the droplets would land on places i have family - right from Victoria Peak in Hong Kong to Thrichur in India.

So it would be safe to say that i don't really know most of my cousins. The ones we were super bonded with moved to Canada 12 years ago, and now its odd getting past five sentences. The only three i still manage to stay on the same wavelength with are getting increasingly involved in their careers and one is about to take off to Aussieland in a week.

So i was somewhat resigning myself to thinking that i've lost my chances to building a relationship with these people. If i couldnt even maintain one with the cousins i started out being close to, what are the odds of sharing a beer and sneaking mischeif with the ones that have lived a plane ride away from us all their lives, and visit once a year.

I was pleasently proved wrong today. What started out with the mammoth task (only to me because having slept at 5 am everything just moved slower then usual) of having to throw together a sudden lunch for my uncle and his family from Burnei taught me not to judge or assume.I've noticed in the past couple of outings, that maybe change is something i can look forward to. I have to admit i played a very minimal role in actually trying to get the ball rolling, and i have to give all credit to my cousins for stepping up like there wasnt that lost 20 years in between. It did feel a little awkward at the beginning, and i did think the last time i saw them that the next time we meet we would have to start over all once again. But today, things just seemed to fall in place right. And what is more pleasing, is that we moved beyond just cathing up on each other lives and exhanging pleasentries today. Today we deliberated on each others future plans, we shared past expereinces (what little mutual ones that exist, thankfully are all good ones), we opened up with family secrets, we dropped our guards and genuinely made an impact on each other.

And when it was time to say goodbye and plan the next meeting, the whole aura of having to try hard, or maybe even pretention to an extent, was clearly gone. The next time we meet up, we can skip the catching up and politeness and move straight to pissing on each other.