Back to the Real Deal

My aunt left back for Canada today. I guess that's home for her now. Has been for the past 12 years more likely. Which means the little bubble we have been living in for the past three weeks is slowly going to fade away. Having her here sort of diluded all the existing problems.With her here it was as though my grandma wasnt sick, my mom didnt have to choose between work and didnt have to handle all the stress with dealing with an aged ill parent, workdays went by really fast because it was just fun to finish up and head home to lots of tea and chitter chatter, my dad was always in a good mood and my brother was home more often.

Reality check as soon as the car drove down the street.

My grandma is moving in with us for good now. She needs to constantly have someone with her, and that responsibility has by default become my moms. As awful as it makes me sound, i'm not much help when it comes to caring for her. I do the superficial bits like buying her food and getting her stuff. My mom has to deal with the messaging, the medication schedules, the tantrums, the demands, the emotional downfalls. At least for the past three weeks she had a break, she could swap with my aunt.
Plus she and my aunt are really close. Eventhough they're physically in two different countries, they're still each others best friends. It was good to see my mom go back to that giggly, gossipy, chatty lady when she was with my aunt. She's going to miss her alot, but knowing my mother she wont say anything, and just go about her daily chores.

I feel like crap for being so little help.

I wish i had a stronger emotional connection with my grandmother. Everytime i tell myself to be more patient, to be more gentle, to be more tolerant, to imagine what it would be like to be old and be recovering from a broken hip. Yea that will last for like ten minutes. Then i'll reverse back to getting irritated - "why does she keep insisting on going to church when she knows she cant walk much? why wont she just eat properly knowing she has ulcers? why does she grumble about the room? why cant she understand that my mom is doing all she can? why does she keep wanting to go to her house when she knows theres no one there to take care of her?" Because she's 83 and getting used to not being as mobile and independant as she once used to can be quite difficult.

Well, i suppose then.. i'll have to try and change. I should start with not being such a lazy ass and helping around the house a little more. Note to self : must clean room this weekend..and do all laundry..and sort wardrobe..and not be lazy, must not be lazy, must try to not be lazy.

The big bad wolf adjudication

I am annoyed and am intentionally writing this while I am still high on the issue. If anywhere half way through you disagree feel free to leave a comment or move to the x at the right top and move on to a blog with a lighter post. If it bores you, the previous instructions also apply. UPDATE: All the below mentioned applies to the adjudicators from the instituition that i am from too. As much as we crib about other uni's sending new/inexperienced adjudicators, i have to admit that we too are guilty of that at times. I just wish i had more time to spend with the juniors.

Hundreds of times I have seen debaters walk out of rooms dissatisfied with the adjudication received and proceed to curse the adjudicators that had delivered it to them. I used to think that it was all a case of sore loosing, and immediately would jump in to defend the adjudication. Unfortunately, I’m starting to agree that the standard of adjudication in the Malaysian debating scene is going down the drain.

Its disappointing to see more and more people adjudicating based on the superficial value of the debate. People give their decisions on the feel they had, on what the gut tells them, on which speeches sounded better, on which side they felt did a better job. All I have to say is that the analysis doesn’t stop after the debaters have left the floor. The depth of thought about the motion has to be carried beyond just the 8 speeches. Adjudicators have to analyze and debate with themselves within the context of how the debate was done before they can make the call. To make a decision simply because they felt it is simply wrong. If one wants to judge based on what they felt after a speech or based on how good the speech sounded then for the love of greens, sign up for the public speaking tourneys and not the debating tourneys.

When you do that you miss out on some of the basic fundamentals of adjudicating. Face value adjudication means you have not taken into the account most of the simple most basic technicalities that are involved. Things like how a damaging a POI was asked, how relevant was the answer to the POI to the teams case, whether the POI served the speakers team better or whether the answer was sufficient enough to be awarded. Things like dynamics within the team, how the speakers work together, how each speaker supports the speakers after them, how each speaker carries forward the case presented without repetition and redundancy, how each speaker supports their case with examples, whether or not those examples are relevant in today’s time and in the context of the debate. Things like whether arguments were responded to. Things like how much of the 7/8 minutes of the speech was actual substantive and how much was sounding like a broken tape recorder. Things like how rebuttals were dealt and how responses was handled.

Which leads me on very nicely to my next point. In my honest opinion, when someone adjudicates, you should fill in the score sheet before making your final decision on who won. It’s the most safest thing to do before coming up with your final decision. When you fill the score sheet, you are forced to think about the speeches in the breakdown that is before you. Then you are forced to actually judge based on whether they did fulfill those criteria. There is a reason why speeches are broken into matter, manner and method. If one judges a debate based simply on how they feel, its easy to forget the other areas involved when scoring. If you are awarding a speech a 78, its only fair to be able to justify how much of that was matter, manner and method. At the end of the day when you have filled in the scores based on the criteria, you may realize that the amount you awarded in points, does not tally with the decision you were feeling, and with the marks you had just lumped together. And in cases such as those you have to sit and think because something obviously is not right. It forces you to see the debate and the argumentation presented as a package and not just as individual speeches. And also, you owe it to the debaters to be able to tell/show them how they did in the respective parts of their speech. If you felt the manner was mediocre, the should know, if you felt matter was lacking, they should know. You may think that if they really want to know they can come and ask you, but sometimes, just putting it down on paper is helping them already. The decent thing to do, would be to present them with that kind of feedback after their debate, instead of a piece of paper with just the winning team written on it. Because with that, your services as the adjudicator of that debate was wasted, not shared with the debaters, and open to a lot of doubt.

Go ahead and think that I don’t know what I’m talking about because you have more debating experience then I do. All I’ve said is based my own experience adjudicating. And also because I feel its just plain common sense, but sometimes people fail to even exercise that. But let me just say one thing that I’ve witnessed enough times to know is true. Being a good debater does not automatically make you a good adjudicator. You want to pick a bone with me on that one, drop me a comment and we’ll discuss it over coffee.

It saddens me. It saddens me because the bad adjudication that is becoming more and more apparent nowadays may just cause the doom of Malaysian debating. With adjudication like this, you are not only stealing the wins of their rightful owner, but you’re also endorsing bad debating. Awarding wins to speeches that are clearly unsettling, bypassing basic fundamental mistakes, not penalizing faults that plain common sense would tell you is wrong – it gives room to the debater and to future debaters to think that that is the right way to do things. You unconsciously breed a sub standard group of Malaysian debaters because bad adjudication has allowed them to drop the ball and get away with a lot of things. The mentality that “I won by doing this so it must be right” is instilled and worst, passed on to the juniors.

I’m sick of witnessing bad adjudication and seeing teams that should win be passed over and shortchanged. Its tiring to get adjudicators say they gave it to the other team because of that one thing they did right, or that one thing they did wrong. If it was just one thing that decided the whole debate, dude, everyone should be either 1 point or half points a part and it must have been a really good or really bad debate,and you should by right have alot to say about it and not sit in a corner far far away from the rest of the batch. Its further nauseating when in such cases, the adjudicators are approached and aren’t even able to justify their decision.

Gawd do I have a bloody lot more to say on this. But its fast approaching 3 am and I have 8 hours of staring at the laptop to do at work tomorrow. Another time maybe, when another case of bad adjudication fuels me.


The above mentioned are all my personal views on the issue and in no way represent the institution I am from and is not a reaction to any one particular debate that I may have witnessed in the recent past.

Wowers

I've been reduced to finding out about old friends weddings / child bearings / other highly important and life changing events through Friendster.

Jeebus..

Imagine the shock stumbling apon a wedding photo as their profile picture when i had no idea they were in a serious relationship. Imagine having the bajeezus blown out of me when i stumble across pictures of them full blown pregnant.. or my guys friend (who at one time always potrayed the i'm too macho for you character) cuddling a baby with the caption "my first baby ah girl-girl".

I suppose i should at least be thankful i'm on their list.. ho hum..

Humbling

I usually avoid functions that i have no relation to - and here i include weddings of children of my parent's friends. But on Saturday i had nothing planned, i have a lot of outfits hanging in my wardrobe sorely neglected and i haven't attended a church wedding in awhile , so i decided to tag along with my parents.

I'm glad i did. At the wedding, my mom told me the story of the three boys and Aachi.

The eldest of the three boys was the one tying the knot that morning. Aachi, was the old Indian lady in the all Chinese family. Twenty years ago when the youngest of the three boys was born, the parents, who were flourishing in their careers where juggling taking care of the homefront, watching after three boys and bringing in the paycheque. Aachi, who's primary role was to clean and cook, took over the role of care giver for the sons. Usually, in all the other stories i've heard, the children grow up and the paid help remain that, paid help. But this family was completely different.

Aachi went through a troubled life. There's no mention of her husband at all. Her own children will make great studies in welfare cases - drug and alcohol abuse, suicide, erm..sexual identity confusion and the list goes on. But she found solace in this family and she brought the boys up as her own. Every night, when the day's chores were done and the family retired she would go home to her little hut in the squatter area near by. Sometime back, the goverment cleared the area to make way for development and Aachi was left with the threat of not having a roof over her head. Here's the part that completely threw me over.

Technically, they wouldnt have to care. They don't hold any responsibility towards her. They paid her for the work she did and now that the boys are big, they dont really need a care giver anymore right? Wrong. Knowing that she most probably wouldnt want to move in with them for fear of imposing, the three boys - now grown up and each chasing careers of their own, pooled together their resources and bought Aachi a flat.

They dont need someone to baby sit them anymore, but they still remember everything she did taking care of them. And now are taking care of her in return.

She stood with the family through out the wedding, shared laughter and shed tears - just like she was family.

As cliche as it sounds, my faith that there are good people on the earth was renewed.

Different cups of tea

Aji took off for his sister's wedding in India a couple of days back. Iniitial plan was for me to go along, and make my great debut into his family. But i think it is wiser that we, or more like circumstances decided against it. Ahh well, he's there making my introduction verbally now and i suppose i will shock them with an appearance some time in the future (must make sure NOT to wear hipster and extra tight baby t).

With the discussions we've been having about the preperations leading to his sisters wedding, and from the things he's been telling me, i've realised that there were many many things that came as a complete culture shock to me. Sure i've watched them in movies and i've read them in books, but here is someone actually living it, someone willing to play the part of the characters i read or watched. The characters i felt somewhat doubtful for having to go through an arranged marriage, feeling troubled for the family for having to raise a dowry, feeling somewhat annoyed that people still subscribe to the dowry.. I always felt this way because all those practices just seemed so foreign to me. So unimaginable for a girl, in this day and time, to be willing to have her parents select the man she will spend the rest of her life with, and at 23, adopt herself into a new family and resign herself to that family because her family had given her the wedding of a lifetime and showered her and her groom with lavish gifts. You can see that from the way i'm typing this itself, that i still am adjusting to this whole concept.

And now, its more then just a character. This person will most probably be someone i call family some day. And i will watch her life, in full technocolor. The things happening may be hard for me to comprehend, but it doesnt mean that i should automatically dismiss it. I understand now, we may both come from Indian families - but the difference in culture and traditions are tremendous - and in someways, i guess i am in the wrong for believing that it is a completely doomed concept, simply because my upbringing and surroundings are different. It doesnt mean i will embrace it with open arms if i am thrust in that situation, but i wish her all the best in her marriage and what is to follow. I envy her for the wonderfully grand wedding she will have this weekend, for all the detail her parents have put into choosing the right man for her to grow old with and for the great brother she has who's willing to give an arm and a leg to make sure she has the best most memorable day in her life ;)

The aftermath

As of 9.09 am : My head is pounding. I feel like there are 100 little elves in my head, each with huge clubs banging away inside my head. Banging away with a vengence. And they all have hard wooden clogs on, occasionally choosing to jump around and do a dance - making me feel like i have an avalance happening in my head everytime i move it. This is 4 hours of sleep and alot of happy beverages later. I should have known better, theres a reason why they teach us right from kindergarden that Thurday is a weekday, Thursday is a weekday. Thursday = weekday = workday = no lack of sleep and happy beverages the night before. Learn Annu learn!!

Wind of change

I bought my parents a fan today. Yeap a fan. You know, one of those stand fans. My mom was complaining about the heat, and i figured i'd get her a fan.

I realised i dont buy my parents anything unless its their birthdays or Christmas. On those two occasions theres usually no budget to what i buy. Usually i'd get them something they want or would enjoy, rather then something they need. I suppose if reversed i'd like presents of that sort too so i practice what i feel. When i was little i used to save or scrap from my allowence to get them something every Mothers or Fathers day. Most of the time it was some insignificant item that my measly pocketful of coins could afford. But now it seems to have dwindled to just a card, and the most convienient 'i'll take you guys out to dinner'. So as i was trying really hard to get some office work done at home - with the tv blasting my mom's serials and my granny grumbling in the other corner something in me popped. As i watched how patient my mother was with my aging stubborn grandmother and how cheerful my dad can be even with 101 issues racing through his mind (his daughter dating a muslim one of them) i realised i waste my money away on a lot of pretty silly things..the least i could do was give my parents a little comfort in this heat.

Why not buy them the fan when its the same as

• Five of my trips to the yuppie coffee joint for iced blended mocha and a chocolate brownie
• Two times to a club and getting sloshed - maybe even one if i include cover charge
• The countles items of clothing i buy but unconsiously banish to the back of my cupboard
• The many movie trips where i sat through half baked movies that would seem at least half justified if i just got the pirated vcd/dvd
• The few times i get sudden bright ideas for pet projects that more often then not get abandoned half way
• All the many trips down to Singapore i took where i could have taken the MRT but was too lazy and took cabs instead (trust me there are many)
• All those times i bought rediculously expensive gadgets but found out that they were too tedious to make part of my daily routine - yes you darn hair straightening machine i'm talking about you!
• While we're on the topic - hundreds of dollars on my hair!
  
• When i 'burrow' money to friends and never get it back - why spend it on ungrateful b*st*rds right

So anyway, no matter how boring and completely uncreative a gift it is and maybe i am trying to wash away a little of this guilt i have looming over me.. i hope it brings them a little bit of comfort at least.